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Two and a Dog

from Trainer Wheels by Mal Webb

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about

One night in 1989 at Kabarett (an ex-club in Brunswick St. Fitzroy), the Oxo Cubans played a gig to a very faithful few, including eventually Pam, Nat, Mel and Anna. What started as a highly depressing gig became a bit of a hoot: Lots of stuffing around, a roving set in the kitchen and Mel and Anna sang the duet from Lakmé in the break. It made me realise that mass popularity isn't everything by any means. This song was born soon after. I always picture it being sung by a solo guitarist in the front bar of the Evelyn (also in Brunswick St.), but it's now been largely turned into a bottle shop, so that image will just have to remain imaginary.

lyrics

Two and a Dog
(for the Oxo family and Tim Tam Pam)
Driving to the gig tonight
I hoped and prayed with all my might
That dreams of Woodstock
Would come true
A crowd that stretched beyond my view
But I dream too much
And practise far too rarely
And walking in I feel as though
The cards were dealt unfairly

'Cos two and a dog, two and a dog
Two and a dog is all I see
How could they do this to me
All those friends who faithfully
Promised me that they would be
Here to hear me play
But two and a dog, two and a dog
Two and a dog is all I've got
I must admit it's not a lot
Superstar is what I'm not
My property just isn't hot
This dog has had his day

Now playing at the gig tonight
I shut my eyes to hide the sight
The empty chairs look on in pain
They try to cheer, but all in vain
And in between the songs
I can hear the barman breathing
While the only other sound I hear
Is the sound of people leaving

My voice was sore
And the sound was poor
And the posters had the venue wrong
Excuses fly as I wonder why
Thousands didn't come along

Now driving from the gig tonight
I grip the steering wheel tight
The psychedelic voices say
That I should give the game away
But I'll be back again
Climbing 'til I reach my peak
And for seven days I'll hope and pray
And three and a cow
Might come next week

Yeah, two and a dog, two and a dog
Two and a dog can be so cruel
But I won't give up like a fool
I'll give my all and keep my cool
'Cos I'm as stubborn as a mule
I'll take the stage again
'Cos two and a dog, two and a dog
Two and a dog, my faithful few
And I'll be here to play for you
Until my record deal comes through
By then I might be eighty-two
But two and a dog will do 'til then

©Mal Webb 2000

credits

from Trainer Wheels, released January 1, 2000

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Mal Webb Melbourne, Australia

Vocal adventurer, multi-instrumentist, looping beatboxing songwriter Mal Webb sings his songs about all manner of stuff, using all sorts of vocal techniques (like sideways yodeling) and plays guitar, bass, mbira, slide trumpet, trombone, chromatic harmonica, bass and piano. He's like Bobby McFerrin, Aphex Twin and Cole Porter playing scrabble. Ani DiFranco said to Mal: "You're a freak!"
Noice. ... more

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